Nobody's Mother...

“I am not childless by choice, although many of my choices have contributed to my being childless. I live with this as regret and blessing both, a point of chaos in my ordered life.” - Mary Jane Copps in Nobody’s Mother: Life Without Kids.

The fact that I do not have children is not something I talk about very often. It’s not even something I think about most of the time. Last year, a book review in the local paper caught my eye: Nobody’s Mother: Life Without Kids. I tore out the article, planning to look at it later and, as waywards bits of paper tend to do in my home, it eventually migrated to the office upstairs. A couple of weeks ago, it reappeared at the top of the heap as if to say: “Now would be a good time to read this.” I ordered it from the public library (I’m still on my self-imposed book buying moratorium) and read it over the past week.

Nobody’s Mother presents a series of essays from women who, for a myriad of reasons, have never borne children. They write with honesty, courage, humour and grace. In their words, I was able to find comfort and affirmation – things I didn’t even know I was needing. I was even able to find words that described the paradoxical feelings I have about being nobody’s mother. (See quote above by Mary Jane Copps.)

The reasons for my not having children are far to complex too post here; I’m not even sure I could describe the twists and turns that brought me to this point. The fact is: here I am. The beauty and strength of this book lie in its simple acceptance that reasons differ and – in the end – are quite irrelevant. It’s about accepting and celebrating the reality that is, and the fullness of a woman without kids of her own. This I can relate to!

Here are a few more quotes that resonated with me:

“Not every woman has to have children, you know.” – Lorna Crozier (comment from her mother)

“Physiologically, I am constructed so that I may incubate a fetus, or even a whole string of them, if I so choose. I will die one day, never having carried out the biological impetus of my being.” – Adrienne Munro (this thought – or some variation of it – crosses my mind about once a month! :-))

“If I am a vessel, I am full to overflowing with love and strength and the milk of human kindness. I have not borne a child, but I am a universal parent; in a hundred little ways my love can change the world.” – Adrienne Munro

“I am 42 years old. I have no children. I am very happy.” – Katherine Gordon

I make no judgement of friends and family members who have chosen - consciously or not - to have children... and I hope they make none of me. As I have mentioned here before, the important thing, I believe, is to live fully... to love wastefully... and to be courageously - one day at a time.

Pace e bene,