The best of intentions...

I'm feeling ill-equipped to start the new year on the right track. I had the best of intentions for things to do in the last two weeks, and I didn't do them... so what makes me think anything I write today will hold through the next year?!

I've been reflecting a bit on why I'm so adverse to setting goals, even small, simple ones. Here's how I see it today: if I set a goal, I become accountable - sometimes to others & always to myself. Then, if/when I don't accomplish my goal, I feel I have failed. In my weird mind, that translates to "I am a failure. I am a fraud." I am constantly setting myself up to do things, and then not doing them. The feeling of being a fraud can be quite strong sometimes. Isn't this a little harsh, you might ask? Of course! But how else am I supposed to maintain the illusion of competence and perfection that I have spent a lifetime creating?!! :-)

The level of awareness of how this all plays out in my life has been growing in the past couple of years. Recently, the arrogance of it all is also becoming clear to me. Who do I think I am that there is any expectation from others of perfection or competence in all things? The only person who expects that... is me. Luckily, "me" is also the only person I can change if I feel I really want to. I could also choose to simply accept the way I am - and work with that.

So, back to the goals. My sister shared that language is important to her, and that she avoids the word "goal". I've often admired how she's able to set intentions for herself... or areas of focus. This seems to be a gentler language, because it doesn't imply a task that must be completed. I like that. Seems like a kinder, softer way of directing energy towards a specific area of my life - which is basically the same thing as "setting a goal", non?

Although his approach is certainly more action-oriented, Steve at The Ripple Effect also gives me food for thought in his post on New Year's Resolution... He suggests limiting the number I set for myself, as well as making accoutability work for me (instead of against me, as in the judge-and-jury scenario I am most familiar with).

Funny thing just happened... as I'm writing this, I am reminded of an intention that I had set for myself several years ago, sort of a personal mission. It was inspired by something I read in Why Christianity Must Change or Die, but John Shelby Spong. I had "decided" that my life purpose was to: Live fully... Love wastefully... Be courageously... I haven't thought about that in a while. Might this be a good start for determining the areas where I want to focus my energy?

Live fully: Practice acceptance, gratitude and balance...
Love wastefully: Err on the side of Love. Love people, even when I'm not sure they "deserve" it. Put myself on the top of that list...
Be courageously: Be in the moment, even when I'd rather be somewhere else. Make room for Faith, for Faith is stronger than Fear.

There you have it, something for me to think about - one day at a time...

Here's wishing you much Love and Peace as this new year begins. Know that, although I don't always take the time to say it, you are important to me and I treasure your presence in my life. You know who you are. (Yes, it's you... :-))

Pace e bene,