Staring into the spiral...

Leave it to family to lovingly nudge - dare I say, push - me off my pity pot... if, indeed, that's where I was sitting. Talking to Hubby on Friday night about how frightened I was feeling, he offered a simple perspective: "You haven't been getting enough sleep. You've been going to bed late every night this week... Why don't you try to get to bed earlier." Yes, this sounds like the male tendency to offer an immediate solution, but he does have a point. It has been a busy time and I have been going to bed late.

After reading my last post, Sis called on Saturday to see how I was doing. As I shared with her what my day was like on Friday, she laughed... not at me, but with me. She recognized all too well what she called "the downward spiral". For those of you who have never experienced the devolution of stinking thinking, the internal dialogue sounds something like this:

• Man, am I ever feeling tired. I can hardly move.
• I'm not sure I have much to give to the job today. Maybe I should stay home? I don't want to be a slacker though...
• OK, I've got nothin', so I'm staying home. I'm going back to bed.
• Wow, I just slept for another two-and-a-half hours. Why did I need that? What's wrong with me?!
• God, look at this place. I haven't even put away the Christmas decorations yet. Who the heck has a creche out on display in March?!! I can't deal with putting that stuff away right now. Am I ever lazy...
• Why are there no clean towels? Sheesh, you'd think I could do a load of laundry or two. How did I let it get to this point?! What a loser I am...
• Man, I am so tired. I have no energy. It must be my diet. Why did I have to eat that piece of cake on Wednesday? And the chips on Thursday?? I'm such a weakling... What if I'm developing some sort of eating disorder?!!
• I should really make that soup before all that broccoli goes bad. I hate wasting food, but I'm too tired to cook. Why do I always waste food? I'm so irresponsible...
• What a waste of a day... all I did was sleep and watch TV.

...and so on. This downward spiral can easily continue unless some external force comes in, usually in the form of an outside perspective. And this, my friends, is why I decided to share what I was feeling. I was once told that I shouldn't venture into in my head alone - it can be a dark & dangerous place. :-)

I'm happy to share that my foray into the downward spiral was short-lived. It was a great reminder that these times will come along and, as with all times, they too shall pass.

PAX,