Stepping Forward...

In the day or two following my last post, I can't tell you how many times I thought about going back and deleting it. I know there aren't a lot of people who even read this blog, but I still had an uncomfortable reaction to putting myself out there. What would people think of me, knowing that I'm not always the confident person I purport to be? Would this not affirm that I am indeed a fraud?! Two steps forward, one step back. Speak your Truth, then take it back. I've heard this pattern described as that of the spiritual journey. When there is a spiritual breakthrough of some sort, no matter how small, the ego becomes afraid of losing its control and it reacts. The internal tapes begin to play: What have you done? You've let the mask drop and others will see the True you - warts n' all! Do you really want that?!

As scary as it feels, I want to answer YES. The mask just gets too heavy to carry around... And the interesting thing is that, many times, I realize that the mask wasn't needed anyway. There are those blessed days when my insides DO match my outside... when I am confidently rooted in the knowledge that I am a beloved child of God. I look around and, as my friend Zio says: It's All Good.

Feeling our pain moves us into shadow, where we reclaim the denied parts of ourselves. This leads to developing a voice that grows increasingly authentic and full-throated with each newly claimed aspect of our identity. We are no longer speaking from a foundation of self that is riddled with fault lines. The more unified we are, the more authenticity our voice contains. We voice ourselves into being. (Helen LaKelly Hunt in 'The Hero's Journey", Spirituality & Health, October 2005)